Dawn. The wilds of Buckinghamshire.
After a shower, I limber up, Tyson Fury-like, for the gruelling walk ahead.
Deep breath, let’s do this! First up, a vigorous yomp from the bedroom through to the kitchen: I dodge a wild creature (Sapphire the cat), stumble on treacherous ground (a ruck in the carpet) and shield my ears from a bloviating loon (Piers Morgan).
Sapphire the cat
The World’s gone nuts
Made it! Eight bracing metres of very flat, woolly terrain conquered! Eat your heart out Marco Polo. This is tough.
Hunger kicks in. Breakfast! I plump for a local delicacy. Crunchy Nut Cornflakes with a brew of PG Tips. Still hungry! Ah, what the hell, I’m walking the world, need more calories. I wolf a jam doughnut. That’s more like it.
Right! Enough! Must clock some yards. I struggle up the three steps to the sitting room. Hard yakka, I can tell you! Frankly, like a Bucks version of K2. But I soldier on through the fierce climate (well, ok, if you must ask, room temperature).
Done it! Another seven metres covered. Time for a break. I collapse, footsore, on the sofa. Time to start my new book: ‘As I meandered the mighty Mississippi…’ Genius! You’ve got this, Tolstoy…
Ouch… I must have drifted off, despite the gripping story, the exquisite poetry… Time for a snack. I brace myself to descend to the kitchen again. At this rate I’ll have clocked 74 metres by the end of the day. Put that in your pipe and smoke it, Bear Grylls, this is the real deal. I march on, head bursting with grand ideas.. .
Hmm, what’s for lunch? Will have to make do with Gluten Free rice cakes, the only food that was left at the local stores. As for loo paper, oh well, will just have to use pages from my last book…
Stay safe everyone! And THANK YOU wonderful NHS heroes and and key workers everywhere, you are total stars!
Many thanks too, to the Stanley Foundation for its recent, hugely generous donation to the Puzzle Centre and to Olivia Hornby for her wonderful donation to the Alzheimer’s Society. The amount raised for the Puzzle has now topped £11,000, and the sum total for all three charities is now £17,740.54. Just fantastic. Thanks so much to all of you for your generosity, it really means so much.